Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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