Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
