I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
