I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
