i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
