You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
