The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
