I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
