Say something about gay babies.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Terrible idea I love it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
