We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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