Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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