paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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