So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
