Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
thus making me awesome and them whores
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
porn star boner night. come get it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
