I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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