If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is Oprah even human
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
