I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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