His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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