he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The air taste purple.
Randomize
