So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
