part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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