i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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