So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Less talking, more tequila
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
