using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
