You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So vagazzling was a success
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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