On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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