About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
