just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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