i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
