No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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