i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
