I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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