who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
