these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
