if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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