Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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