Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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