The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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