haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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