i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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