I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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