I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I died a long time ago.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
