apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I sprained my soul last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
