the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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