i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
