She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish you could order shots online.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
