Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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