the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There r osticjed everywhere
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
