sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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