he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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