Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
